Last post then off to school...

People keep asking me where I've learned what I've learned. I don't tend to think I'm that knowledgeable yet... at least I'm nowhere near what I'm capable of and where I should be. Lack of discipline, family, and political obligations keep me too busy to do the intellectual leg work I'd like to do.

But if you like what I have to say I can give you a few recommendations
1. Read often and broadly

2. Read quality blogs (where I've gotten all of my economics for the most part)

3. Read different newspapers from different political perspectives. Most importantly the New York Times since it sets the national media agenda and is the newspaper for movers and shakers in the world. You want to know what they are reading and thinking. Secondly the wall-street journal. I'm sorry to see the decline since Murdock... and they've had some loses because of it. But the WSJ is a great news source. The opinion page is a joke... but the news is par excellance--the reason being if you are going to make good financial decisions you need to know whats actually going on with as little spin as possible. Also Financial Times is a good read as well... NPR in the mornings... when I do watch the news on tv its Jim Leher on PBS. And online news I get at Democracy Now probably THE BEST news source out there. But its so reality based that it sounds as if a news report from mars...

4. COntact people you come across authors, teachers, and other nonprofessional intellectuals you might come across. Stay networked.. ask questions

5. The back of the book... where are the sources and citations go... thats where you learn to leap from...

thats about it. A little tip from me to you. Please feel free to throw out your own in the comments page.

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Jim Nichols
A Speculative Fiction
www.JimNichols4.com

And you may ask yourself....

My mind... can't my mind.... "can't think... where am... what time... who? errr...." He looks over at the small box with music coming out. All he see is 2:32.... 2:32... 2:32... seems to mean something but he is not quite sure.

"What time does that mean? When do I have to go to work? What do I do? Why can't I concentrate on what this little black box is trying to tell me?" 2:32. Still bemused... still staring... his fiances whispers over to him. Its 2:30.... you got to go.

"Yup... knew that... most definitely... I'm JUST NOT SURE WHAT THE CONTEXT FOR THAT NUMBER IS... ahh... wait. Yes 2:30... I have to leave by 3:00. I work at UPS. This is my beautiful house.... that is my beautiful wife... My name is Jim and my mind doesn't work cause it went to bed about 2 and half hours ago. Noting more nothing less."

Its strange when your mind just doesn't work for just a brief moment that seems like eternity. It was very funny... very surreal... very scary/weird.

For fun....



okay this is more like it....



I love my life... even when its weird....

"get some, get some, get some---go again"


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Jim Nichols
A Speculative Fiction
www.JimNichols4.com

Politics...

Everybody wants to participate in t-shirt politics and half-time trivia talking points.

Politics isn't supposed to be entertaining, politics isn't supposed to be entertainment.

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Jim Nichols
A Speculative Fiction
www.JimNichols4.com

Why I'll never get elected to office...

If my writings weren't bad enough... if my artistic need to shock and inspire through dramatic black and white distinctions... if my unfortunate turns towards invective... if my tattoos which will certainly continue to expand... if if if...

to add fuel to the fire... or amunition for conservatives I... the blogger that I am... post things like this....


Which side are you on?

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Jim Nichols
A Speculative Fiction
www.JimNichols4.com

the last post...

My last post is going to need a few rewrites...

It doesn't read as well as it should. One thing that really didn't come out clear was that even where McCain/Obama are the same side of wrong I defer to my experience with Republican policymakers as opposed to Democrats. You empower one side or the other. On every single issue especially the ones that are huge to me...

health care
mental health
education
treatment of our soldiers
foreign policy

from Congress to sheriff I agree more with Democrats... Democrats will have coherent conversations with me on issues I care about while my Congressman Lynn Westmoreland is on many issues about as close as one can come to the Flat Earth society. He's a nice man... if he was hungry i'd give him half my sandwich but he does not need to be making important decisions that mean life and death.

So its not just Obama/McCain. Although the case is pretty substantial... but my passion might not quite convince... the commitment and refusal to hedge is that government is about protecting and empowering people. I'm not empowering people like Lynn Westmoreland into thinking that they have any kind of support.

So yes there will be some positions--American hegemony, corporate trade-deals "free-trade" deals that have nothing to do with free trade and everything about propaganda...

Got a run... going to meet up with a GA state senate candidate on the democratic side... because it matters....


--------------
Jim Nichols
A Speculative Fiction
www.JimNichols4.com

My election year manifesto?

I'm in an interesting discussion on comments page and wanted to pull it up for others who might have missed the post: Why would John McCain change his policy position on offshore drilling? Hope I articulate my response in a productive and helpful manner...

I hope you don't. Otherwise, I would be disappointed in you as a leader.

Here is the problem with trying to disconnect... as with all government policies I am interconnected in a way that makes it hard for me not to pick the lesser of two evils and work as hard as I can to stop the worst of the two...

* As a high school dropout the effects of our defunding of schools has been pretty substantial (in fact I am taking diagnostics for ADHD--would have been helpful way before the age of 28).

*As someone who spent the ages of 14-26 with untreated/under treated bi-polar, someone who very nearly died from it, I can talk about the effects of a defunded system where protection of shareholder profits for pharmaceutical companies, protection of insurance companies over the needs of patients, protection of Doctors from open market competition... throwing people on the streets or in jails. I watched people wither away and die. Ever slept on a bench... I have... ever blacked out and only have vague memories if any at all... I have. Ever looked a homeless person in the streets and saw them talking to themselves and you know in your gut you are amazingly blessed to have found a way back out of the hell of being locked in your head... I have

* My best friend died from Heroin addiction... the tough on drugs tough on crime pathology that has nothing to do with crime prevention or rehabilitation... and everything to do with scared people (due to the conservative economic policies) who will latch onto and lash out at anything and everything that is a threat.

* I hung around people who sold drugs... when they should have been in business school. Runaways, high school dropouts, alcohol and drug abuse... yeah I've seen the shit people live in and around

* As someone who lost their health insurance (crappy economy... crappy job prospects add on no high school degree) in a country that ranks 37th in the world for health care according to the World Health organization... who then has to face over $30,000 in medical costs... and was only saved by the grace of family who was able to some how pull enough money together to get me the treatment I required. As someone who's medical bills fluctuate between 800-2000 dollars in a month because I lack health insurance.

* as someone who is sitting on thousands of dollars in student loans

* as someone who has worked for nonunion workforce.. who has had to fight with all the other part-time employees to get enough hours to get part-time health insurance... who then worked his way up 4 promotions to a supervisor level only to lose it all because it was a choice of going back to school or keeping my job... two and a half years of giving 100%, giving my sweat and tears and they couldn't even find me 24 hours a week to keep my part time health insurance. Pushing carts, running a register... anything...

* as someone who has been a human rights organizer and activist since 2002.

* as someone who gets up at 1:30 in the morning to go load trucks so that he can get off of around 8:30am so that he can go to school and finish his undergraduate degree.

I do get a little passionate...I have my own pathologies I must try to overcome.

I'm happy to go down every single policy position... i'm happy to dig deep into policy discussion... I'm happy to adjust when I'm wrong... I'm happy to point out every single thing I find wrong with the Democrats (a list so long I could never finish writing it)

Yes democrats are the lesser of two evils (although evil is a perjorative term... I agree with some Republicans like Chuck Hegal more than many conservative southern democrats)...

yes there is hypocrisy... yes there is corruption. SHow me any point in history... any government... where this wasn't so. Thats why a Republic is a damn good choice for a governing process... free speech, free travel, free exchange in the marketplace... with the understood protection from destructive individuals who would raid the commons.

There is a difference. You get two choices and lucky for me I can spend all day going through the policy difference (okay not really 1:30am comes oh so quickly..)

I'm passionate in my belief that we make things about policy and not people. I hold others to that... and hold others to the task of point it out when I fall short of that.

But there is a difference--and this year an unbelievably substantial one so if John McCain sneezes the wrong policy I'm going to hit and hit fucking hard. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

It'd be a pleasure to have dialogue(and I appreciate your time and effort so far) since here in the south most people who want to talk politics don't want to talk policy... don't want to do the leg work. They want to talk about online urban legends... they want to talk policy with no bearing on the real world...

so yes i'm passionate but I try to be equitable and conscientious in my efforts to change every single mind between now and when every single person has a basic quality of life deserving of all human beings.

"To the least of these..." to some it was something you just say on Sundays... not me.

Obamania has not struck me yet. It reminds me of the Body Snatchers movie starring Donald Sutherland. If I sleep I will be taken over by the left and wake up with an Obama t-shirt and button.

Politics as a personality competition... as a cult of personality really... is politics as pathology. It is about policy...

But while on the subject... I think its awesome that Obama has inspired people to participate in the process. I was knocking on a door locally with our canvass effort. And this mid-twenties African American woman answered the door. She was so excited that someone with the Obama campaign was at her door... she called to her family watching tv and said "hey [ name ] the Obama campaign is out registering voters... you were talking about registering this morning... and the two others ran to the door with big smiles. The young woman was the mom and ended up assisting him to fill out some info because "he doesn't write very well."

That was an amazing feeling... that young man needs a government that is going to empower him and not leave him behind. These McCain tactics trying to attack obama for bringing in new voters says something about McCain and the supporters throwing about that as a talking point... it leaves the general public talking about Paris Hilton and Obamania... rather than the issues.

So its good you haven't fallen for Obamamania... thats the last thing I'd want of a voter. ANd its unfortunate that its the big issue/agenda in the current discussions...

Before I support anyone I need reasons.

came to the right place

I read the data on both McCain and Obama. I cannot discern which is the greater evil. McCain's war stance, or Obama's tendency towards socialism.

Issue by Issue McCain is by far the worst of the two on policy. Obama is no shining star... but you work with the world you got not the one you want.

And I don't know what you mean by socialism... you'll have to define that one for me. IF you mean an equitable economy that protects and empowers all people and makes sure that no one gets left behind, civil rights, civil liberties, a strong market system... then i'm a socialist... but thats a hobgoblin term... there are so many meanings that I come to find nearly 95% of the people I speak with are socialist by the definition just postulated... so define socialism and I'll get back with you on if he leans towards it or not.

Yet behind closed doors I am unconvinced he has changed much. After all, it is well known he and Senator Clinton are good friends.

I don't care what anyone does behind closed doors or in private... The libertarian in me... its not in my nature.

I care what he does in public as an elected official. I care about his votes... I care about his public comments and leadership... he ability to communicate and bring this country together for a united vision... these are things I care about... it doesn't matter to me any which way what he does in private or what he thinks and believes.

I"m not a mind reader and no talking head, or reporter is either... I'm not too worried about McCain's private life. I'm worried about the decisions he'd make in public that impact people lives all over the globe.

Do you really believe in Obama's rhetoric with regard to change? Is it possible to induce change within the very system our current leaders occupy?

I believe that he can inspire people to participate in the process... that he can bring this country back to the center... and away from the divisiveness we've had that has only gotten worse since Bush II got in office.

But the divisiveness has been a part of the conservative revolution... read John Dean's broken Government which gets more into the details of how the conservatives have tried to decrease the ability for compromise and collegiality.

Is reform possible... of coarse... society in the broad sense has become more equitable... quality of life has improved. Far greater struggles have been overcome throughout human history. Sure I believe in reform.

Will there be constructive change behind the scenes of big government? I am not so sure.

I don't know what you mean by Big Government. In a highly complex industrial society.. the government is going to be bigger than in agrarian colony in 1770's. Plus the market system depends on pretty substantial infrastructure and modest regulation for it to function and sustain itself (a recognition that Republicans lost after the conservative take-over of their party). So i'm not sure what you mean by big government...

I'm surrounded every day with underfunded and ignored infrastructure... market failures... its hard to make the case that the "small government types" are making things better. I'll make the case its getting worse with the "small government" folks in charge.

McCain will not be more of the same as many assert, except for his foreign policy.

economics, protecting women and families... others as well...

He is more prone to supporting an unjust war, despite the Iraqi Prime Minister wanting us out.

What about the Iraqi population whom have wanted the US out for almost three years now if memory serves me correct. Like substantially... not 51%... Middle east public opinion as well. Both of those items are important since these numbers on the Arab street help increase terrorist recruitment, empower terrorists networks, flame the conflict over Palestine, hinder the ability of our markets and human rights to get through and erode the fundamentalism we need to moderate. We're going to win with Ipods and coke-a-cola. Thinking you can bomb them back into the stone age... or occupy their country... lacks any historical narratives I've seen or heard. Feel free to make the case on that one... but I haven't found anything substantial from others...

With the exception of the war, McCain is at odds within the Republican Party. Hell, we both know he got the nomination purely on seniority.

He got the nomination because Romney is Mormon... which ironically speaks to the bigotries of the fundamentalists hurting their own cause. Romney would have won... moderate Republican... health care reform as Governor...

However, I am more of mind with our forefathers. I prefer neutrality.

industrial society in a technologically driven area with weapons that can wipe out the world is a little different than backwater agrarian colony that our founding fathers lived in. No disrespect to my peeps... they did some great things that I applaud... but couldn't disagree more.

There are currently 737 US military bases. This seems a tad much for a strong national defense.

I concur...

Then again, I prefer limited government, despite the impossibility of such a measure given the magnitude of the people's expectations.

I'd rather live in a Republic than ant other form of government... so I'd disagree on the idea that the filthy masses are asking too much when they want decent schools, decent jobs, and a quality of life that can provide enjoyment... rather than watching the rich reap all of the benefits of our economy. Plus the markets demand more government to sustain itself... too much would be bad agreed. But don't worry we're no where near the point of destructiveness... granted the government shouldn't stick its nose in everything... but thats the problem with the "small government" policy people... they are talking about something different and using hyperbole to make people think in much broader terms than is justifiable... without major clarification on the terms... your Obama socialist comment comes to mind (since I hear it quite often... and am perplexed by it honestly)

My basic values prevent me from openly supporting either McCain or Obama. Perhaps you can provide some hard data to change my mind. I'm looking forward to it!

Everyone has to make their own decisions for themselves... I'd love to work the data... it lets me learn it better--which is never a bad thing. My values say the purpose of government is to protect and empower its citizens. The everyman for themselves mentality of the Republicans has undermined our economy... made neighbors distrustful of one another... increased cynicism and apathy...

My values tell me to get up and work my ass off to help improve the world. But as I tell Democrats locally. If you think winning in November is hard... wait till the day after when you have to work to get affordable health care and quality schools. There is no magic bullet... there is no mystery that only certain politicians have the key to. It takes hard dedicated work... commitment by average people to sacrifice some of their time to build a community and hold their elected officials accountable. But yes stopping McCain would be a step in the right direction. But as Ice Cube said... "life ain't a track meet... its a marathon..."

Changing the world is not going to happen overnight. But you run a marathon one step at a time. So Obama is a step in the right direction...

Hope you stick around this year... I try to keep my passion in check... call me on my invective... also I tend to speak in hyperbolye especially on the fly and the thing about words online is it can sometime comes out more insulting than humorus...

I'll call you on yours. It should be a productive election year...

There are differences... it does matter

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Jim Nichols
A Speculative Fiction
www.JimNichols4.com

is this thing on??

[tap tap tap... man hits mic gets slight feedback]
"is this thing on"
[echo of an empty room... from the back of the bar a voice yells out]
"Bar closed three hours ago man! Your too late!"
[man at mic, sighs a long sigh... might have been his only shot... he turns and walks off stage]

---------

so I've been wanting to post on a ton of stuff and I just haven't had time--got home from GA State at 12:25 last night. Up by 1:45. I could tell you where from the core of me I'm pulling this out... but you would have had too have been there. One of those subjective: you had to have seen what I saw, everything--the smells, the sounds, the people lost in this haze of hollowness.

Come to a interesting concession on the Fair Tax I want to talk about. McCain talking points. INteresting experience at board of elections on Tuesday night.

WIll catch up soon I promise! Till now go read the NYT's and email a synopsis of a story I haven't had time to read--that would be lovely.

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Jim Nichols
A Speculative Fiction
www.JimNichols4.com

"It was much pleasanter at home, when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and rabbits." --Alice

"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!" Alice --"Alice in Wonderland"

28. Strange word. Actually the word would be twenty-eight. 28 is a number and numbers are things which I still don't quite comprehend. They are out "there" before I was and will be "there" long after I'm gone--a fact which is both marvelously beautiful, yet the fact that I can't understand "there" or what it is seems to make me both scared and sad; as if I'm missing out on something of great importance.

I went camping this weekend. Something I haven't done in years. It was wonderful, tromping in the woods. The dirt and grim. Everything alive around you. Moutains, cliffs that hang in the air. Knocks and crannies out of the jagged rock. How all of this happend--and how long it took to happen. Facinating, and I wish I could be there to watch the whole thing. Tonjna would say I have been. Since the very begining, little bacteria that struggles topsy-turvie into this mamamel that has forsight and the ability to see--and hence plan--into the future.

If nature could predict I doubt it would have been able to forsee what as mess such an entity would make of the world. Where forthought seems to be something that could create progress it has reapped destructiveness--or maybe thats a lineage from a more violent brain? That we haven't fully passed that mechanism in the brain.

Progress--silly word--I'm taking a class on the individual and soceity where we are dealing with the philosophical response to the Enlightenment thinkers. Ah the Enlightenment. Such grandiose belief in progress, improvement, reason. And then we get wacked with the reality that there is no progress--maybe a construct, that comes from our biology--but nothing that is coming from history. I still believe in Progress, but its now something I do, we do, rather than something innate in the world. Progress can slip away as quickly as it has come about. What the fuck good are antibiotics or cancer treatments to someone sitting in Iraq, Palestine, Sudan? Sigh.

"But then, shall I never get any older than I am now? That'll be a comfort, one way never to be an old woman -- but then -- always to have lessons to learn!" Alice --"Alice in Wonderland"

To think that I am, rather than not am. To think something rather than nothing. I remember when I went to visit my Dad in the Philippines. I looked at his bookshelf and found Sartre's Being and Nothingness. I was so excitied to pick it up and actually read it! And the thought that my Dad had felt the same way... that we somehow wondered what the world was like--I mean really like--made me feel not so alone.

So I sat and struggled. Page after page. I can tell you I didn't understand it and yet wanted so badly to.

THis is my life... that i'm living one minute at a time.

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? Alice --"Alice in Wonderland"






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Jim Nichols
A Speculative Fiction
www.JimNichols4.com

Maybe not so spartan this morning...

So I wasn't exactly the most chipper man to walk in the door last night--sorry my love--so 2 am came verty quickly! Sigh... had henry county Democratic meeting last night. More productive than last meeting, but I'm still not on my game when it comes to running it effectively, smoothly, and getting us out the door on time.

Then I feel unchairman like cause I have to try to run people out the door... which I didn't do all to well since I didn't leave until 9:30 when we technically got out at 8:45.

Oh well. Logic midterm today. Paper on Nietzsche due tomorrow--which still needs major work.

Will leave you with a shot I got at school yesterday.


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Jim Nichols
A Speculative Fiction
www.JimNichols4.com

to bed by 11:45pm up at 3:04 and the shortness of a 30 days supply of lamictal

Worked on the Freud for todays class until nearly 12. Up bright and early (tomorrow it'll be even earlier since I'm only going at 5am to train. On todays agenda--UPS 5:00-9am, back to Henry County to pick up keys for tonights Henry Democrats meeting, to Indian Creek to GA State by aprox. 12:15 in the library check email, print off paper, finish frued. Lunch on the way to office hours at 1pm, more food on the way to class 1:35pm. Class 1;50-3:40. Back to marta, 285 to not be backed up we hope. Food, drink, notes for tomorrows logic mid-term. 7:00pm-9:15pm tops Henry Dems. Home, kiss the loved one and dog. TO bed by 10:30.

This is my life and I prety luckey. Why do it. I dunno--crazy, took that guy in Dead poets society who told me to suck the marrow of life when I was 6 pretty seriously, my medication is running low, and philosophy class--on things that don't matter but are amazingly beautiful and powerful is a preaty amazing privilige to dig into.

Grabbed the plain oatmeal for the spartan motiff I get off on.

To the kid in this pic from the philippines... hang in there...


I'm out...


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Jim Nichols
A Speculative Fiction
www.JimNichols4.com

A moment of pause (very loud pause)

"If you want get the feeling... and you want to get it right. Then the music has got to be loud. Cause when the music hits... I feel no pain at all." --Rancid Radio

Some read my blog for the political commentary... some cause I bribe them to. I write whatever is going through my mind... sorry for those who hate the distractions--for the rest of you....

So I've been working the past couple of days on my Nietzsche paper due on Thursday.

My argument is that an understanding of Nietzsche's slave morality--and Nietzsche's thought at large--is incoherent if you look at him as anything but a Christian Thinker. That Jesus' Christian ethic was based on action that comes from inside and is based on nothing but internal determination of justification--that to act because the outside world tells you to do so is a form of corruption and human decay.

Following this logic I see Nietzsche as a continuation of this ethic rather than a challenge to it. The Jewish decline that Nietzsche points to as the beginning of the decline into slave morality is interrupted by this Jewish guy wandering in the desert who also notes the human decline and decay amongst his community... this guys words were given weight after the fact by the propagators of this slave morality--a sort of "don't look at the man behind the curtain." I'll post the paper soon.

But the true essence of this post is in the fact that between that paper, the logic mid-term I have coming up, the Henry County Democrats we are still trying to get off the ground, an Obama campaign that needs volunteers, and the satisfaction of knowing that Tuesday morning I will be going into UPS to load trucks before school--hallauugh I have a job!--I had forgotten about the Rancid show Deana and I are going to tonight!

If Deana hadn't mentioned it to me an hour ago I would have totally forgotten about it!

And out come the wolves


The ability for music to bring back sights sounds and memories that are so far back as to be lost... and bring them right into your face, into your blood, as if to reverberate through your soul eternally; is one of the amazing emotions one feels while alive.

Everybody needs those things that connect their past with the present. One never should forget ones roots. First its a connection to the world. But also from it one can gain a sense of joy and integrity that no one can ever take from you. For me one of those things is punk rock. And Rancid is one of the pivotal bands within that sphere of reference.


My name is Jim and I'm a lesser known character

"a good place where good people get food yea... help your fellow man a good thing to do." Rancid sidekick

Almost like a map I could take you from Jim at 15--freshman year of high school--getting dropped off with his girlfriend. Wide-eyed and excited by the world he was walking into. Most would see the sex, drugs, and loud rock n'roll. In some ways that probably something of what drew me into it. And maybe its only hindsight... the under the surface amidst the many drones and mindless fools there was a core of unbelievably smart and caring individuals who rejected the culture of consumption over caring, who thought integrity meant helping others up rather tearing others down, that through creativity and celebration one could overcome the pain and sadness.


Cut Here to Kill...
To comprehend this you have to learn to see people destroying themselves and those around them as symptoms, coping mechanisms, and blind rage rather than the essence of their quality. Look at the fragments rather than the whole picture you see--because you never truly see the whole picture. And fragments are a good place to start because many if not most the people I came into contact via this ideology of culture/music were fractured into thousands of piece. Breakable, sharp at the edges, and often in need of a shower or a book by Ms. Manner's.

And its not some holier than thou view that this the be all end all of living life. Everyone, everywhere, has songs that have given them meaning, kept them going no matter how hopeless. The survival of the species have been achieve through blind focrce and effort. Music could be one of the core reasons we've crawled this far into ourselves. I'm glad for every fight that got me to this point... bacteria attacking bacteria... parasitic free riding... somehow dragging itself out of the water... out of the trees... finally out into reason and high technology's that could be used to feed, cloth, and house all if we so choose.



Many people get caught up into this consumerist questions--for those who don't know... just look for words like "sold-out" "compromised" "they suck now" "indie label" "major label." To those who say the market is the essence of integrity I can only say... making money wasn't why I got into this in the first place... and if I can find a way to make money writing random philosophical texts more power to the folks who can run around the country playing music to the next generation.

To those who want to get caught up in the ethics of those who make the music... I can only say Beethoven was an asshole... but I don't get any less value from him art just cause he wasn't on the correct side of this or that political debate.

We're all humans who have scars and flaws and short comings. Oh and its music!

This is where Aaron will think i'm getting pretentious and condescending...

But there is something unique about punk rock and those who venture into the murky waters. Some will say its elitist on my part. But when I went to Shiloh Baptist earlier this month listening to this Ugandan children's choir I was blown away by the beauty and moved by the bright glowing eyes of a new generation that my country would as soon as ignore than help thrive. They have something unique that I can only appreciate from outside.

Punk rock... or whatever you want to call it--at some point words become poor descriptive tools--is something I appreciate from within.

I can tell you that from the immediate reaction that overwhelmed me when Deana reminded me of the show tonight. A youthful and arrogant joy. Its not what I'll come upon tonight... or the couple hundred drones I'll come across who are just as lost at so many outside that old turn of the century mill. IT will mean different things to me now than it did in '95 walking out the door after the Out come the wolves tour. I can still feel the breath of fresh air coming out of the club. The "wow.. when is that going to happen again," the quiet and only said to myself voice of reason "thank god... I made it out... some of those people are crazy and probably want to kick my ass."

I still see my Dad walking down North Ave. to pick us up (thanks Dad!).

But keep moving forward the feeling inside now is different than then because its locked into so many things that have happened with this soundtrack. Do you remember when Cory shot and killed the other kid? I do.


Here's another perspective... that there is something about seeing the image of your best friend playing the opening bass riff to "Journey to the End of the East Bay." in her room. Probably the second smartest person I ever met. My salvation in so many ways... my inspiration... my creative sister. Flash forward to concerts, flash forward to her heroin addiction, flash forward to the fake smiles you gave her as you listened to pathetic story's from a drug addict wasting her gifts... flash forward to discussions with her towards the end as she went in and out of the hospital in and out of coherent thinking, flash forward to getting the call that she drowned in the ocean after getting high one last time.

People look at me odd when I talk about dropping out of high school to backpack through Europe for 4 months. Its not odd at a Rancid show.

People can't comprehend why in the world someone would slash your tires and spray paint a giant swastika on your car (yeah that was a Rancid show too!). I can't comprehend why... but I can tell you what it feels like to adapt to that situation.

I can tell you the fear and adrenaline of walking back from east Berlin to west Berlin at 4 in the morning cause I was hanging out at this Artist squat drinking beer till after the subway shut down.

I can tell you what it feels like to watch friends waste away, turn away, laugh at you skaking their head--fakes, drones, intimidated by the real world. Or do you know what its like to be 26 with thousands of bills owed and your 7.50 an hour paycheck won't pay for ever your basic needs... let alone a basic lift?

That which I held inside that got me through my own struggles--that is what I can try to point you to. In and out of the hospital... coming oh so close to insanity and then somehow pulling myself out of it. Its gratitude to have made it to now... and yet I still cherish all and regret none.

As the Duckey Boys said... "I know i'm not alone, I've got my friends."

4 tattoos, a million different hair cuts glowing in a million differn colors. That feeling that an opening chord can still hit inside you. The sound when the music is silent and all you hear is a small room being filled with lyrics that speak to all these experiences of rage, sadness, and freedom.

So many people... and in the end its all and only about people living. The punk who offered me a place to crash when I got of the train in... was that Denmark? yeah.. Copenhagen. The guys who I hitched a ride with on a weekend trip in flordia following Avail as I bailed on one more school (sorry dad!). So many shows all over the country. So many amazing people... musicians, photographers, hangers on, the CHBC in every town, sleeping on floors, having nothing but music in common and always being able to grow from their. Sitting on a beach in the Philippines talking to this kid because he knew how to play guitar and I knew how to play guitar. Metallica was all we had in common... so I played him Rancid and he played me some unbelievable song in whatever dialect he spoke in. The taste of PBR the morning after. Hangover taco bell runs. Watching the drug dealers and transvestite prostitutes outside your apartment in LA. The laughs the tears. Its locked inside my head connected via neurotransmitters that fire only from certain connections.

Keep finding pictures of times gone by...


Its something that is mine and only mine now. Nobody can ever take any of it from me now. But I feel blessed to still feed energy off the pain, rage, and joy. Now its the small things that remind me. Wrapping my arms around the neck of Ryan who walked me through so much. Random phone calls from Aaron only to find him sitting on your door step in Sacramento. Micheal who helped me find my way to these strange places. The handful of teachers who kept saying yes--to my writings, to my ideas--and kept guiding me towards the few and far between who actually have something to say. The memory of waking up to a voice mail from Tonja on my phone singing Rancid to me... "if I fall back down... your gonna help me back up again. If I fall back down... your gonan be my friend."

And oh coarse some will sigh and say its not the way it used to be. Though I'm not sure what they mean... kids have always been kids...art has been art... dysfunction has always been dysfunction... and market place has always been the market place... trends come and go... money comes and goes. But take a second I tell them. Take a second... look past the herd of blue hair loud obnoxious kids. There that one... in the corner. See the gleam in their eye. That sinister little grin. There... right there. See nothing ever changes.

I no longer have to care... nor pretend to not care.

There's a club on the coast, where the kids get lost, and no one's gonna stare,Yeah, chuck T's and bleached jeans with dayglow mohawk hair,
Yeah, misfits and homeless kids all call their home there,
Don't tell me it ain't real! Don't you fucking dare! --Rancid Spirt of '87

I can tell you what has change from that very first rancid show until now.

Yes, i'm still creative, passionate, and determined to live a life rather than wait and watch.

But somehow I've cut deeper into a core. On my good days (we all fall short on the bad) my atheistic libertarianism and anti-authoritarianism and commitment to science and reason, my christian political socialism, the commitment to interlock and balance these different themes of my core is more steadfast, resilient, and locked into my brain.



In my life I may falter but I no longer silence my voice. I may fall but I always get up. I may question the world, but never my place or my own potential to rise above. I act and usurp the actions and confidence of those who manipulate and exploit those weaker than they are. I stand my ground in the public arena--violence doesn't intimidate, shame cannot hurt me, fear pushes me onwards.

I live my life. I cherish my friends. I get up every morning in gratitude for today. I smile at those I pass. And if I have some food you can have half of it. I got no where to go but be here and I only got right now so I no longer waste it.

And I do my best to work to help others through policy and community building. I believe second chances are great and third chances even better. I truly believe no one is to be left behind, forgotten, or harmed--even and especially by themselves. And I recognize the challenge of proper interpretation, the temptation for superiority and force over discussion, dialogue, and education. Its a slow process... but think how long it too to start the ball rolling in the first place!


All the rest is just debris... tomorrow I keep plugging away at trying to join with others politically to create a better world. A little more efficient, a little more productive... a little less debris in it.

Tomorrow I'll go back to digging into my mind and the minds of other minds who struggle to say something and create something of use... I'll keep training myself--honing my skills--to hopefully say something interesting about all of this--maybe even get paid for it!

But for now... for tonight--loud music, and cherished old songs.

Swing by the Masquerade tonight. Doors open 7pm. Don't know what we'll find... but it doesn't matter... we'll just pick up the pieces tomorrow.

"see ya in the pit"

On the way home yesterday...

So i'm standing on the train reading a journal article. A women gets on with a cain and NOT A SINGLE PERSON GOT UP! I wish I had said something but at the same time didn't want to embarrass them. What the hell!

On my way to the parking lot I stepped on gum. I had to grin to myself... we are what we are... ain't nothing gonna change.

"Its gonna kill me for the rest of my life..."

5:30 get up... run run run...

I don't think Op Ivy had postive connotations in their song healthy body sick mind... ("working all the time" errr was it "overtime"?)

But any hoo... Had picnic Saturday with about 150 people show up!!! Monday morning... got to run drop off keys to park... got to read about 40 pages in logic homework... got to finish Nietzsche reading and start marx reading... hope to start Nietxsche paper tomorrow...

Don't have time to blog... or read this interesting looking post from Brad Delong....
"Conservatism"

I do not believe that conservatism is a political philosophy. Conservatism is the practical principle that the pieces of furniture you have that suit and are comfortable should not be thrown away. And conservatism is a rhetorical mode of justification--effective on those who respect authority. But it isn't a philosophy.

Go read more indepth... I want to follow up more on it as well.

Dad hope you are feeling better... go read one of the stoic philosophers...
"a smile
a breath of fresh air
the laughter of children
yeah we got it good..."

Why oh why am I the way I am...

At GA State waiting for student id office to open up. Its about 8:15am. Someone walks up and says to me... "is this where I am supposed to be to get my ID card." I respond, "well technically no. But if you wait about 15 minutes it will be."

As Douglas Adams once wrote: "We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem."

I have a question...

For those of you who don't know me: I don't have a PhD in climate sciences, in geography, in oceanography, biology; basically any area that may have some important information on global warming.

Now I have noticed a lot of people who have a passionate belief that global warming is a hoax. And they get really really deep in technical details about things that I have no fucking clue about and like to challenge me on it. None of these people have phd's. They don't actually have very in-depth intellectual competency in...well anything really. (whats the connection between believing in supply-side economics and not believing in global warming?--there is one, if you haven't noticed)

But my question is... why do all the PhD's not seemed to be bothered by all this gobbly-goop? I don't know nothing bout nothing when it comes to science. I put more trust in a phd than a guy who believes in the Fair Tax; thats just me.

Why would I trust a talk-show host over a guy who has spent years studying science? I mean seriously... I'm just askin'...

these things are mysteries to me.

Contending Conservatives the right way....

In my recent post DFA Training Works I said something that still sits with me as not quite accurate and fair.

Conservatives don’t care if the lady down the street has health care or not. Conservatives don’t care if our economy doesn’t work for working people. Conservatives want us to stay demoralized, sitting all alone in our houses, angry at the world. Conservatives want to tell people it’s a dog eat dog world, that people can’t trust the government. Every time we show up we challenge those conceptions to the very core of its vacuousness.

I can't really decide if I said it wrong, should have used other words, or kept it out all together. I know a number of Conservatives who do care about health care, about poverty, about all the things I speak about. They just disagree with me on the methods and approaches. I feel that they haven't looked very closely at the evidence and policy ideas surrounding those issues. And I feel they do not put up a great deal of effort in responding to my questions and challenges, aside from putting trust in Conservative leaders on TV and the radio.

I quite often feel angry at the lack of personal effort to back up ideas they passionately hold; past the creative talking points coming out of the media. But still I do meet conservatives who do care. I know they care because I see them worry how they are going to pay their bills, afford health care, save for retirement. And it probably offends them when I go strutting around my Liberal Friends saying they don't.

This morning on my walk, with the dog wandering back and forth and the moon hanging just above the trees I was thinking about something I saw at the King Center yesterday.

It was a quote from one of the video's on the civil rights protesters rules of behavior. It said you must always be respectful, stay calm, look forward, do not respond, do as directed by the group leader. He then went on to say the reason... "we aren't fighting our neighbors... we're fighting for equal rights..."

That kept sticking with me all day yesterday and this morning. As Chairman of the Henry County Democrats I have to focus a lot of economic and social frustration. I know personally as a human rights activist it is mind-boggling that my country and my president is now the focus of much of my human rights focus. It is almost unreal. So many times people want to vent... I do it myself.

The question is what are we fighting for?

I'm fighting for everyone in this country to have health care. I'm fighting for decent wages, education, and opportunity for all Americans. I'm not fighting my neighbor. And it would be wise on my part not to waste time using words and condescending phrases that might not allow them to hear the issues, statistics, and arguments I use to address and change those problems.

I think if I could go back I might say something to the effect of: Conservatives put a higher priority on personal choices than on making sure we all have health care. Personally I'm will to sacrifice a little so that others won't have to suffer. Conservatives put a greater value on personal wealth, and personal hard work paying off, over the strength and welfare of our economy as a whole. They see us as individuals, Liberals see us a complex social group.

That might help me not make it "me against my neighbor" and turn it into "me advocating for my neighbor. All of them to be exact."

Its up to us...

...to hold the media accountable. There was a great segment on PBS's news hour...

Paul Sheilds was dead on and I quote his best points below. But its up to us to do something about it. Politicians lie, Politicians pander (on all sides) but its our duty to protect the Republic. If we don't speak out we have to look ourselves in the mirror and realize its our own fault.

Please get innvolved, please write letters to the editor. Also send me links to any good stories, examples of politics of divisiveness, nonsense, or invective. I was shocked at the negativity and also hate of many of the emails that came across my desk at the Georgia Assembly.

If articulate, respectful dialogue is not sustained and rises above the the crassness then we all lose. Share things with me you find, hold others you know (myself included) accountable when we fall short of such standards. Just a quite: Hey thats out of line can go a far way.

Little things like the fact that 40% of our veterans come home disabled in some way and our Presidents Budget has not included the long term costs of taking care of their health--both mental and physical. That should be spoken out loudly against. I'm watching the generation after mine be pulled under every day by our lack of accountability and lazyness.

We are to blame if we don't speak out. I think the condecending tone of Obama's preparitory remarks was a decent question to at the very least question and move on from. But a flag pin?

But there was no more egregious example of sort of the macho-swagger, press-pass, take-no-prisoners prosecutor attitude than asking Senator Obama, "Why don't you wear a flag lapel pin?"

And I'd just give you two quick examples on this, because this is the kind of question -- the explanation to ask? "It's all over the Internet." I mean, so are theories about John Kennedy's assassination and the United States government blowing up the Twin Towers. That's no reason.

I mean, Jim Webb, Democratic senator from Virginia, who was a company commander in the -- Marine company commander in Vietnam and won the Navy Cross, the second-highest award the country can give, the Silver Star, two Bronze Stars, and two Purple Hearts, and opposed the war in Iraq, does not wear a lapel pin.

Dick Cheney, who during the 1960s sought and received five deferments to avoid military service and explained that he did so because he had other priorities than military service, supported the war in Iraq and wears a flag lapel pin.

So I guess the question then becomes: Why doesn't -- should it be that why doesn't Jim Webb do it? I mean, this really bothered me. Now...

MARK SHIELDS: Judy, we found out on the Rand report this week that one out of five veterans who served in Iraq and Afghanistan suffers from post-traumatic stress syndrome or depression, one out of five. That's over 300,000. We have no plan for them as a people.

Now where is the patriotism? I mean, the flag lapel pin, I mean, is so fatuous, is so absolutely silly. I mean, if one wears -- if one is an uncritical supporter of the United States' invasion and occupation of another country, that makes him a patriot and someone who opposes it isn't? And you wear a flag to show that?

MARK SHIELDS: They've [obama and clinton] locked themselves in and they were dishonest, because let's be very frank about it. Judy, we've seen this week the FAA is not working. The Food and Drug Administration says that they can't even begin to test medicines and medical devices. We've had, in addition to that, we've had, today, the Wall Street Journal reported we can't inspect meat that's going into our children's schools.

You know, the federal government needs more resources. It needs more money to do its job. We need to rebuild bridges. We need to rebuild roads. Everybody says that.

I feel sometimes at a loss on how to navigate...

Sometimes I ramble poetical. Sometimes I speak and point more towards the data and empirical side of things. But I often wonder if I travel between the two ways of communicating--the artistic world, and the policy/philosophical world--in an effective manner. Or do I end up creating two many distractions. Some times I feel my artistic/poetic way of just saying what i'm feeling is petty and childish.

On the way out the door my gut fell out from under me and I felt guilty for posting this. It can be read as childish and petty... while it was intended as an attempt to speak of an emotion inside me that I want to be able to express with others who may feel the same way from time to time.

I want people to respect my views, I want to build a network of people with whom I can trust and who can trust me. To navigate this complex world. I don't want people to jump on my blog and have a bad first impression which makes them think I don't have anything productive to say or share.

Even if all I bring is an extra eye keeping up with the Josh Marshall's, Dean Baker's, and Brad Delong's of the world--who are every day teaching me via this wonderous tool--and pass them on to others who may not have the time, inclination, or ability to focus on such things. Then at least that is something.

I guess the question is how do I be true to myself, respectful of others, and coherent in my thinking? How do I build bridges and alliances with many different people from many different perspectives. I think this world is too complex for me to say that there are many important insights to take from people across the spectrum and across human history.

How do I do that, without being a pedantic, verbally assaulting, close minded, and divisive. That kind of crap goes on in politics, and especially prone to go on in the blog world.

I dunno, but I want to get better about being open/receptive/accessible in everything I do--more specifically on this blog.

Does the new media have to stay in the gutter? Or is this one more tool towards a more reflective and wise society?

I hope its the latter--from time to time I feel like I tend to jump the gun and do the former.

Sigh... I guess this is something I grow into learning how to accomplish.

Its not my job to do everyone elses job...

I'm a little frustrated today...

There are so many things that need to get done. Some many subjects that need more vocal advocates. And I keep trying to go in so many directions and accomplish so much. And I just can't. Its not my job. Whose job is it? Who connects all these dots? Leave it to the invisble hand? YOu know it seems some people are confused... yes there is an invisible hand... but no its not necessary for that hand to be slapping people around. The two aren't connected in some nasty Machiavellian dance.

Ahhhh.... I just let it go.

I do what I do--work on improving the quality of my own work and find ways to accept the world. My high expectations is almost a negation of the world, and inability to accept it with all its flaws. Might not that too be a flaw with which I must work on?